Drowning or Drifting

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Hi guys,
Welcome to another glorious week with your lady [MOI]. 😂 I just wanted to try out a corny intro.
You have a gorgeous smile, you are so understanding, you have it all together; well these are all comments I have heard at one point or another and I am here to admit to all those whoever said this; My life is as imperfect as imperfect goes but I get why you feel otherwise.
Growing up I always had this image of a strong woman in my head, she always had her head held on high, no one saw her breakdown, she was always with a smile on her face and most importantly she was always willing to help others carry their burden even when hers was crushing. This image as toxic as it looks worked for me, I became the one person who no matter how bad you hurt me I understood, I rarely broke down, I smiled through it all with the hopes that my smile will somehow deceive my pain and troubles to go away oh I was so wrong.
I found myself sometimes just staring into space completely numb and I constantly felt overwhelmed but never could point out why there were days when all I could do was cry and I just never wanted to get out of bed. At first, I thought these were signs of depression but now I know that I was simply unhappy.
 Well, about two years ago my strong woman persona failed me 🙆😨. I was going through so much and felt completely defeated but rather than let others see vulnerable me or even allow myself feel my pain, I poured myself into work hoping it will chase my blues away [This will make for a good song ] but every time I got back to bed all I could feel was emptiness.
A good number of friends called, and the conversation always went this way
Friend: How are you, I haven’t heard from you?
Me: I am good, just busy
Friend: Do you need to talk?
Me: Nah, I am doing great [Then completely change the topic]
Sorry friends, I know you are reading this
Somedays I caught myself slipping and could feel my humanity trying to break through but it was only for a moment. I was drowning, yet I kept deceiving myself that I was only drifting and that I would sooner or later get to shore.
I still struggle with my idea of what a strong woman is, and I still have so much healing to do but that healing did not start until I truly made myself vulnerable. On that day my humanity finally won the battle as I ended up in a bathroom stall seating on the floor [ God bless the custodians for keeping it clean] and crying my eyes out to a friend.
So, to my fellow strong women and men, I am here to tell you that being strong does not mean you are made of stone instead, being strong is the truest vulnerability there is.
I leave you with this quote “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness” – Brené Brown

Everyone but Me!!!

 Hi guys, welcome to another week. I am so excited to share this as I believe it is the reality of most if not all of us, although we try to deny it or even ignore it till it goes away. 

So, this past year, a lot of my personal friends got engaged, married and some found a forever boo YIPEE!!! Yet as happy as I was for them, they were times when I thought when will mine happen? I had even gotten to a point where I had convinced myself that I did not desire companionship in any way, shape or form. I began to use the failures of my past relationship as a valid reason why I should give up all fantasy about love but despite all the tactics I used I still desired to be a part of that lovely companionship I saw my friends buy into. 

Once I discovered that this desire was not going anywhere, I decided to prepare. 

What do I know I am preparing for? how do you prepare? Well, these questions also crossed my mind but then I remembered that If you fail to plan then you plan to fail. 

I decided to get myself in position by preparing and what better way to prepare than, to begin with, prayers. I spoke to God about my desire and let him know what I wanted 

Like 6 ft tall, black chocolate, pink lips, sense of humor 😂😂 just joking (although I would not mind). I spoke to God about the things I desired in a partner that aligned with my values (spiritual, personal and emotional) and after this, I had to have a candid conversation with myself. I asked myself “if this man showed up at my doorstep right now, will I be ready?” Brethren the answer was a resounding NO, and this helped me identify areas in my life that I needed to work on to ensure that I do not end up shortchanging future bae. 

How does this apply to me, I don’t care for marriage, I am already married, I am engaged? You might ask. Well, this drawn-out scenario does not only apply to one’s desire for a relationship, but it also applies to our desires in general. 

Ask yourself honestly, if those things you are desperately looking forward to appears at your doorstep now will you be ready? If your answer is NO like mine was, probe further and discover why. Is it a character flaw that needs to be checked, Is it a manner of approach that needs to be redesigned, is it courses you need to take to make you more competitive, is it your companions you need to change, whatever it might be, Identification is the first step. 

Once you can identify it, you can begin working on it thus preparing yourself better for that blessing. Most importantly, as you prepare for whatever you desire do not make the mistake of taking out the GOD factor, the bible says “I planted the seed in your hearts, Apollos watered it, but it was God who made it grow” 1 Corinthians 3:6 (NLT)

So, you can prepare as much as you can but the only way to get the best not just an ordinary blessing is by placing it in the hands of God. 

Till we see again 

2020 A NEW DECADE

                                                               (Kettley, 2019)

Hi Guys and happy new year, I am so glad to be back here most importantly I am very grateful to God that I made it to the new decade. I'll let you in on a little secret though; 2020 is the scariest thing that has happened to me 😱. I know I know the year just kicked off, but I really needed to get it out there that I am scared, and I am frantically worried. Why you might ask? Well, this whole new decade stuff has me scared of the unknown. Over the past few weeks, I have been panning over the what if's in my life, making backup plans for my back up plans there were times I have considered moving to Dubai and settling with a Sheikh 😂!! For some of us, the rave of the new decade has us discouraged because when we take stock of the past decade it seems like we have not done enough, Vision 2020 does not look as clear as it should be and because we are discouraged, a lot of us have chosen not to make any plans for the next decade because why bother? Right. We all prefer to go with the flow than getting disappointed all over again because our plans fail. Yet, not all of our discouragement comes from failed plans some are a result of comparison. The 21st century has brought forth so many innovations one being social media. As great as it is that we are privileged to keep up with friends and families, it equally exposes us to the “Perfect life” and it is this life we compare ours to daily. As we begin this decade, we will see many people update us on how the past decade has been nothing more than rosy for them and we might have that twinge of "that should be me/ why is that not me". So in this new decade, rather than wallow in my past failures and delays, or that "Perfect" life the world keeps shoving down my throat, I choose to change my perception and for me to successfully do this, I must write down my goals and evaluate because a lot of times the goal is valid, we just need a new approach. Am I still scared about what 2020 holds, YESSSS, but am I going to throw in the towel and just go with the flow, NO. I employ you to also not give up no matter how scared you are, no matter how many times you have tried and failed. I charge you to go into the new year with your goals in plain sight and a plan to navigate through and most importantly with God right at the forefront. 

 "Even though I was through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You (God) are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me" - Psalms 23:4

So my avid readers, I employ you to look forward to reading more posts in this new year and they will include a lot of shedding 🙈

What's Your Love Story

Hey guys welcome to a wonderful new week 😀. Being that we are still in the month of love, we are definitely still talking about love; What it means, what it's become and how it's developed.

So one of my favorite things to do on a free weekend (which I've not had time for in a long while) is sit back with a glass of white wine, a box of tissue 😢 and a wonderful romance movie 🎥 and one fantastic thing is that no matter the movie, no matter the culture, no matter the circumstance what is considered true love always tends to win at the end.

Today I'll be breaking down your typical love story and all it's plots before delving into one of the most beautiful story of all time (Mine and Yours)

The typical love story

- two peope from entirely different worlds (Rich and not so rich, different cultures, different language, different ethnicity e.t.c) meet in a not so typical situation ( he bumps into her, friends try to hook them up, they get to work together) and there is just that magnetic attraction one/both of them cannot just shake.

- that attraction becomes stronger even when the other person is not reciprocating or they are reciprocating but the family has a different thing in mind or the one bad situation where the other person is in a relationship

- this tension goes on for a while and after so many breakdowns(quiting, moving to another city, indulging in a bucket of ice cream or having too many shots of tequila) something finally brings them together AND they live happily ever after 😍😍

So that's how the typical love story goes and if you love Love like I do all through this rollercoaster of emotion you keep rooting for them to come through and luckily for us they do. That's the most common plot and as most of us know that's not necessarily how our love story goes, most times we all do have that one thing that keeps us from the love we feel is ours, sometimes it's differences, other times it's family but most times it's YOU 🙆

How exactly can you be what keeps you from love?

- You've given up on ever finding it, you've decided it just might not be for you 

- You keep living in a fantasy and forget to live in the moment and working on your relationships to groom them to become your own fantasy 

-You are very quick to think of 1 million ways it will not work before even considering giving it a go (I am so guilty of this, we call ourselves the over thinkers)

- You keep dwelling in your hurt and therefore make sure you never put yourself out there enough to be hurt 

All these are just some of the reasons why you just might be the antagonist of your own love story. Does this mean I can guarantee that your next or current relationship is your happily ever after? Well no but I can guarantee that your love story will be even more beautiful than you have ever imagined it could be once it happens.

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Well the greatest love story of all time (Our love story) is the story of the love that God has for us, now that love story I can definitely assure you is one that you'll never regret. It has all the mushiness and oh so cute moments, it is the story of a loving father that loves you no matter what you have done, what you are doing and what you are planning to do. This father is one that loves without conditions, like there is no 'if' when it comes to Him it is all I love you despite and did I mention that He loved you even before you were born and keeps loving you everyday...

"Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;

    you formed me in my mother’s womb.

I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!

    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!

    I worship in adoration—what a creation!

You know me inside and out,

    you know every bone in my body;

You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,

    how I was sculpted from nothing into something.

Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;

    all the stages of my life were spread out before you,

The days of my life all prepared

    before I’d even lived one day."

-PSALM 139:13-16 (MSG)

Once you really get in tune with this great love story, everyday is a guarantee of happily ever after.