ARE WE THERE YET?

Welcome to another season of love. For some people their status has changed from last year and for others it remains the same, regardless of which criteria you fall into my question to you is

'Are you there yet'. 

No, I do not mean marriage 🤣 (Shout out to our married readers), I mean have you gotten to your place of comfort where your situation or the lack of it does not determine how you view yourself. What is she rambling about? I know I know but just humor me and go with my flow. 

So to my avid readers, you definitely know that relationships has been a growing experience for me (Lol another way to say "It has been brutal"). I had always been the type of person to attach certain qualities about myself to tangible things like my brilliance to my grades, my kindness to my presence and stuff like that. So I definitely tied the quality to be loved to being in a relationship therefore when I was not in a relationship, doubts. dropped in and I tried to make myself into someone who I thought was deserving of love 💔. 

This continued for quite a while and looking back this was the only reason why I would have found myself in certain relationships. I was not comfortable in who I was emotionally unless there was someone or something to attach that romantic emotion to. After my last relationship failed, I was just completely done like I seriously started considering becoming a nun not because I felt called to that but because I felt that something was wrong with me, since I kept attracting people who were not good for me. 

In that moment, I fell back on God because he must know something that I do not know right? Well, He did. I discovered that moment that I was looking for something God alone could give me in the arms of others and what was this thing, my IDENTITY. 

See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! -I John 3:1

I had read this verse so many times in my life, but this time I really read it. God calls me His child, being hurt does not take that away, being broken does not take that away even the bible says "Nothing can separate us from the love of God".  

Th moment I began walking in my identity that God had called me into, I was more cautious about who I joined myself with, It was either you came with intention or not. I started walking in a greater confidence, where I was no longer trying to fit into anyone's idea of who I was suppose to be instead, I was walking in who God had called me to be. There was no need to rush into a relationship because it had moved from being a NEED to becoming just a desire. A desire that no longer controlled how I saw myself. 

So, I ask again "ARE YOU THERE YET". Have you identified who you are, because unless you do the world will continue to dictate who you should be and the world my dears is fickle, it never likes the same thing all the time. 

 

 

Right Relationships

 

Today's topic is courtesy of bible plans that keep bringing up relationships and the power they have over our lives. 

Growing up, I heard the phrase " Show me your friend, and I will tell you who you are". This phrase was specially equipped to keep me away from people whom society had deemed unfruitful mostly, based on their physical appearance but do these factors tell you all that you need to know about a person?

The idea that physical appearance could tell you all you needed to know about a person was deftly ingrained in me for a sizable period in my life until when I got to high school where I was opportune to meet several people from very diverse backgrounds. It was at this point the schema, I had created for myself in terms of choosing friends fell flat. I met people whose outward appearance exuded humility but their person was in no way humble, likewise I met people who some might consider uncouth yet they had they had a great amount of warmth around them. It was at this point, I recognized that one's outward appearance was deceptive but their character was not. 

This speaks to one of my favorite story in the bible of Abraham leaving his home to a land "God will show him" - Genesis 12:1. First off, I read the bible like I was physically there and this part of the bible made me wonder what will make me leave my home (A place of security) to an unknown place just because I was told to and each time my answer is "SOMETHING EXCEPTIONAL". So, I believe that the only reason why Abraham was willing to take this step was because he knew the character of God especially since he had never seen Him physically. 

Therefore, I encourage you to look beyond the surface and engage with substance (Character) before deciding to build a relationship. Does this mean that the phrase " Show me your friend and i will tell you who you are" does not hold, definitely not, it just means that when choosing our relationships we must ensure to choose the right ones not based on something as fickle as appearance. 

Now let us assume you already knew all these do you know that right relationships goes beyond having the right people in your corner it also means treating others right. So, just as you are choosing your relationships based on people's character, they also have to decide if they want to be in any form of relationship with you based on your character. 

Ask yourself if I was 'X' will I choose myself as a friend/business partner/spouse/colleague/leader?

If your answer is no, then you gotta BE BETTER  

Till we meet again, I drop my pen back in the basket of love {This brings back so much memory}

Different Love

 

Whenever the story of my migration to the United States comes up, the most common question that I get asked is "How did you cope with the culture shock" and my reply always revolves around the same narrative; I never realized I was black until I got to the United States. 

I went to a government highschool boarding house in Lagos, Nigeria so I knew all about being different, not being Miss popular, being the tomboy, and trying to get good grades in a class of over 100 students but even in the midst of all this, I was still seen as an individual, a unique entity, a being with a name. 

All of this was lost in the US, I no longer represented myself rather I now represented a race and an entire continent. My actions and achievements were seen only from the lens of my skin color first and then my continent, sometimes my country but never as myself. 

This realization, although harsh at first never less became my daily reality and to date, I am still astounded by the segregation that something as simple as my skin color can cause. Astounded, yes but not shocked. Segregation no matter how we try to refurbish and make it look new has always been alive ever since the days of old. The Jews in the biblical days segregated themselves from the Gentiles just because they were not circumcised and when Christ declared that He had come for the Jews and Gentiles alike, it shocked many Jewish leaders that they said within themselves "This guy must not be the real deal". Moving forward in time and to my country, segregation is not based on your skin color but based on all other things like your finances, or even your religion. 

Since segregation seems to be as old as time, does this mean it is right and can never be eradicated? It might seem so with the way a lot of us push the "We against them narrative" but a thing to note is that segregation is not a natural occurrence, rather it is a man-made influence, one that comes to life the moment we say " They are different from us and should therefore not enjoy what we have access to" 

What can I do you ask, I am just one Man/Woman/Child? Well, I do not expect you to march on the Capitol as it so happened on the 6th of January rather I want you to recognize that it begins with your heart, it begins once you see all as worthy of your love ❤️ and once you choose to no longer be afraid. Behind every story of segregation is not power but rather fear. So what are you afraid of?

I know this might seem I am just trying to be ignorant of the suffering that segregation causes on those determined to be the minority but I am not. There are several days that I fear for the life of my unborn black kids. I know that freedom is a war that must be fought for but I also realize that we choose how that war will be fought, do we fight it with the same fear that began it all, or do we fight it with love? Love teaches us that "Whatever affects one directly, affects all indirectly" -Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Love teaches us acceptance.

In this year 2021, Let us try to step out in love for all especially for those we regard as different. When the bible said "Love thy neighbor as yourself" it did not specify who your neighbor was. They could be the enemy, yet it calls us to love them. 

In the famous words of Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. 

"Darkness CANNOT drive out darkness; only light can do that 

   Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that ".