What's Your Love Story

Hey guys welcome to a wonderful new week 😀. Being that we are still in the month of love, we are definitely still talking about love; What it means, what it's become and how it's developed.

So one of my favorite things to do on a free weekend (which I've not had time for in a long while) is sit back with a glass of white wine, a box of tissue 😢 and a wonderful romance movie 🎥 and one fantastic thing is that no matter the movie, no matter the culture, no matter the circumstance what is considered true love always tends to win at the end.

Today I'll be breaking down your typical love story and all it's plots before delving into one of the most beautiful story of all time (Mine and Yours)

The typical love story

- two peope from entirely different worlds (Rich and not so rich, different cultures, different language, different ethnicity e.t.c) meet in a not so typical situation ( he bumps into her, friends try to hook them up, they get to work together) and there is just that magnetic attraction one/both of them cannot just shake.

- that attraction becomes stronger even when the other person is not reciprocating or they are reciprocating but the family has a different thing in mind or the one bad situation where the other person is in a relationship

- this tension goes on for a while and after so many breakdowns(quiting, moving to another city, indulging in a bucket of ice cream or having too many shots of tequila) something finally brings them together AND they live happily ever after 😍😍

So that's how the typical love story goes and if you love Love like I do all through this rollercoaster of emotion you keep rooting for them to come through and luckily for us they do. That's the most common plot and as most of us know that's not necessarily how our love story goes, most times we all do have that one thing that keeps us from the love we feel is ours, sometimes it's differences, other times it's family but most times it's YOU 🙆

How exactly can you be what keeps you from love?

- You've given up on ever finding it, you've decided it just might not be for you 

- You keep living in a fantasy and forget to live in the moment and working on your relationships to groom them to become your own fantasy 

-You are very quick to think of 1 million ways it will not work before even considering giving it a go (I am so guilty of this, we call ourselves the over thinkers)

- You keep dwelling in your hurt and therefore make sure you never put yourself out there enough to be hurt 

All these are just some of the reasons why you just might be the antagonist of your own love story. Does this mean I can guarantee that your next or current relationship is your happily ever after? Well no but I can guarantee that your love story will be even more beautiful than you have ever imagined it could be once it happens.

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Well the greatest love story of all time (Our love story) is the story of the love that God has for us, now that love story I can definitely assure you is one that you'll never regret. It has all the mushiness and oh so cute moments, it is the story of a loving father that loves you no matter what you have done, what you are doing and what you are planning to do. This father is one that loves without conditions, like there is no 'if' when it comes to Him it is all I love you despite and did I mention that He loved you even before you were born and keeps loving you everyday...

"Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;

    you formed me in my mother’s womb.

I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!

    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!

    I worship in adoration—what a creation!

You know me inside and out,

    you know every bone in my body;

You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,

    how I was sculpted from nothing into something.

Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;

    all the stages of my life were spread out before you,

The days of my life all prepared

    before I’d even lived one day."

-PSALM 139:13-16 (MSG)

Once you really get in tune with this great love story, everyday is a guarantee of happily ever after. 

What Love Means To Me

Growing up we are all exposed to different definitions of love. Some of these definitions come from the media, and others from those around us therefore we all end up with different conclusions, most end up looking for a fantasy, some get exposed to what love is not and others find exactly the love that is true. The main idea is that all our hearts long for love.
For me, the definition of love is not just one sentence like dictionary.com defines

" a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person" 

because it goes beyond feelings instead it encompasses a lot of characteristics.
These characteristics are not made up to fit my fantasy man (6'ft tall, dark chocolate, great body, greater mind, and romantic 😍)  because trust me love goes beyond all of that. My definition of love comes from my faith and my understanding of the love God has for me because this is a definition that never changes with the tide of time because God's fashion is forever in vogue😄.
Without further ado, the characteristics I have learnt should define love are:

• Acceptance: Acceptance is recognizing the other person completely for who they are without always steadily trying to fix them 
• Selflessness: Love is always concerned and thoughtful about the welfare of others. It thinks less of "Me" and thinks more of others. 
• Patience: Love is patient through the good and bad times, slow to anger and does not make hasty decisions.
• Kindness: It emits compassion, expresses empathy and cares for the conditions of others 
• Generosity : Because love does not envy it is generous, and content with it's current possessions 
• Humility: It is humble, not raising itself above others or announcing it's deeds for people to praise 
• Protection: The way I see it when you love someone you protect them from spite regardless of what they have done to you or who the spite is coming from 
• Honest: Love is truthful, clear with it's intentions thus not making others live in darkness
• Perseverance: This means love does not easily give up
• Sacrifice: Love does extraordinary things and leaves its comfort zone of what it is used to so as to serve others
• Peace: Love banishes fear, anxieties and insecurities therefore it invites peace  1 John 4:18
• Trust: This is the very foundation of love because trust means that I can rely and depend on you thus I don't have to second guess and live in doubt waiting for the bomb to drop

When love expresses all these, it cannot be abused if both parties are dedicated to the wellbeing of the other but most of us miss out on this great love because we hold on to unbelief, hurt, betrayal, mistrust, fear, unworthiness, and failure thus only giving too little of ourselves and making love feel. like a chore.
I believe that to love, to truly love we must first love ourselves only then can we pour out love to others and commit to them (Matthew 22:39). 

So love is not just a feeling because our feelings change, instead it is our actions, our dedication to keep showing our love by our continuous commitment to the one we love just like God is always showing his commitment to us each day. 

Finally, love is not perfect but it is definitely worth it when you do it right. So to all my avid readers, happy Valentine's Day and I hope you remember to love everyday and not just today.

Here's a song for you:

Is 24 Hours Enough?

Many times I have quoted the fact that there is not enough time in 24 hours to do what I need to do and this is why I get almost nothing done and I always have to rush at the last minute. Don't get me wrong the last minute stuff works, sometimes even too well but then at what cost? If you are like me by the time you are done with the last minute rush, you are so exhausted mentally and physically that you don't have the strength to work on anything else thus another last minute rush is foretold in the near future.

Question is for how long do you think you could keep up?

So at the beginning of this year, I decided that I will be more intentional with my morning devotion as most times I either rush through it or just never get around to it. Well all through January, I was able to probably do it twice or thereabout as most times I was up and out of bed, time required me to rush to work. So I attempted a new strategy, set my alarm to an earlier time; well that also fell flat as I was always so tired when my alarm rang and just ended up going back to bed and then repeating the cycle of rushing to work.
This month I decided to investigate why I just couldn't get myself to commit to my devotion. I had done all i could as I imagined. I had set an earlier alarm, I had stopped sleeping with my phone beside me but it seemed like nothing was good enough until I finally got what was wrong - my PRIORITY
A lot of times we have so much planned for a day but end up doing nothing because we didn't make a realistic plan. A realistic plan involves making a list according to priorities not according to wants, desires or what's easier.
Take some time off today and monitor how much you spend surfing the web, watching TV, talking and even just laying down. Once that is done think of this: Are there other important things that require some of this time I spent on leisure? 
Note: I am not saying stop having fun or relaxing as that will just make you miserable. But cutting down on them will certainly make you more reproductive.
So back to my devotion analogy, I realized that to ensure I had my morning devotion I needed to make it a priority thus making me decide to go to bed an hour earlier so I am more refreshed and alert when I wake up thus, giving me enough time to spend with God and plan my day.

I hope this helps you to think of your priorities also so that you actively work on your time management 

Imposter Syndrome

Impostor Syndrome is a pervasive feeling of self-doubt, insecurity, or fraudulence despite often overwhelming evidence to the contrary (Ellen Hendriksen, 2015)
How many people experience imposter syndrome, well more than you can imagine. It is a feeling I have come to realize tends to increase the more successful you become especially if you are increasing in the ranks in an environment where you are considered different e.g. a young black woman in a field that caters to men predominantly. 
Over the past few years, I can say that with every achievement I have experienced there has always been the question at the back of my mind whispering " Am I good enough" or "was it just luck" and this question always seemed to answer itself whenever I had what I considered a failure. I have struggled with this feeling more in the past few months, being surrounded by so many brilliant people that most times I just feel like the dumbest person in the room and I constantly doubt if I can survive in this field despite continuous praise and reassurance from those around me. This feeling of inadequacy made me feel like a fraud 🙇. 

"The feeling of just not being enough "

This has led me to study more about the imposter syndrome and I have come to realize that so many people face this as it does not discriminate although minorities and women are the hardest-hit ( 😳 well, I am both).
I'll give a quick example of this. About a month ago I was scheduled to present at a lab meeting and I was so hyped at first but as the day came closer I went into panic mode thinking to myself that I was about to completely disgrace my whole generations past and future 🙆, I thought of calling out that I was sick but then my goody two shoes self decided against that and I spent the next week preparing like I was going to war. On the day of the presentation, I realized it was too late to be sick and had no choice but to forge ahead. I went into the conference room, gave my presentation and decided that I had just disgraced my whole generation until each person in the room began to validate my presentation. Funny thing is that even with all the positive reviews I still felt like they were all just patronizing me.
Well if you felt this post was to provide you with a cure, sorry to disappoint as I am still actively searching for one. Instead this post is to let you know that you are definitely not alone in this and I believe we need to start taking it easy on ourselves as in reality no one really has it all together. 
Leave a comment of the last time you felt this way, or how you have been able to overcome this feeling. I look forward to hearing back.

Song of the Month 😀:  So will I (Hillsong Worship)
https://youtu.be/GfVd5x9W1Xc

My Past = My Future?

Coming into the new year a lot of us are always actively thinking of a way to reinvent ourselves but more times than can be recounted a lot of us also give up along the way because it just seems like our past will continue to define who we can be.

While actively thinking of this on a short walk the following question came to mind:

Is my future set in stone based on my past/ genealogy?

Well like most of us I certainly hope not.

One of the answers that popped up in my head is from a crime series I love love “Criminal minds” 😍😍.

In the show we are presented two individuals named Hotchner and Foyet. Both men were abused by their fathers at a younger age and both held some resentment towards their fathers because of this, yet they both turned out completely different. 

Hotchner grew up to become an attorney who was always working for the good guys but as years progressed he decided to do more by joining the Behavioral Analysis Unit according to him the reasoning behind this was for him to get the bad guys before they were able to do so much harm. Hotchner turned out to be a great father, always dotting on his son and even putting his life and eventually his job on the line for his son’s safety. 

The next case study is Foyet, he had the same trauma in his childhood like Hotchner and grew up using this trauma as a crutch for why he became a serial killer stating that his rationale for killing women was because his mother was too weak to protect him from the abuse of his father.

Hotchner was proof that the past does not write the future unless we let it.

Reeling it in a bit let’s look at Jesus himself, if we study his genealogy as shown in Matthew 1: 1- 17, we see a very diverse array of ancestors with different backstories. We have Rahab (the prostitute), Ruth ( the non-Jewish Moabite), and David(The adulterer) Whew!😳😱😱 If genealogy was a predictor of the future well Jesus did not stand a chance but yet He not only stood a chance but He did great and wonderful exploits, the greatest being that He showed us just how much God loved us. 

So to you who might already be thinking what is the point, no one in my family has ever made it or my past is just too nasty for me to turn a new leaf, well this is a call for you to throw those beliefs down the drain and begin working to be better.

Image from: educating4life.wordpress.com

Just because our past does not determine our future does not mean we won’t still have to face the consequences of our action though. For example, if Mr A murders Mr B and is sentenced to death, turning a new leaf is no guarantee that Mr A would be taken off death row but it is a guarantee that Mr A would live a better life that might even reach out to a lost person he meets in prison. 

Yes, consequences can be difficult to deal with but still do not let that keep you from becoming a better version of you 

Verse of the day: Psalm 143:8 

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,

    for I have put my trust in you.

Show me the way I should go,

    for to you I entrust my life.”

Seasons's greetings

Happy Happy New Year to my wonderful, avid readers. Wishing you all that is beautiful, productive, enlightening, restoring and joyful in this new year.

Do ensure to stick with us in 2019 and God willing there'll always be something uplifting waiting for you.

Love,

Serifat Adebola