Another trip around the sun

 

Wassup Wassup, how are you all doing? It is so difficult to believe that today is the last day in 2020 (It feels like we went through 2 years in one right!!). Every one of us has had our share of 2020, we all experienced the turmoil, the anxiety, the fear, and for some of us grave loss. 

I started out this year with so much anxiety and fear. Will I ever get into medical school? Am I the weak link in my lab? Will I die alone? All these thoughts went through my mind at least once and then became more pronounced during the COVID-19 lockdown. Looking back now the main driver behind these fears was that I felt 'Alone', I felt that it was up to me to determine my fate, I had a crisis of faith where I questioned it all. During this crisis of faith, I saw so many others gain their faith and I realized that my problem was I was trying so hard to do God's job because I didn't trust God to do it for me. 

I felt I had to help God along, at least the bible says faith without works is dead but we have to realize when we are doing all the work because we have no faith and when we are doing the work as evidence of our faith (Preach 😂😂). This lack of trust in God cost me an extra $400 applying for schools I had no desire to go to, apart from the money (Adulthood 101) it cost me a lot of man-hours and late nights as I tried to balance these extra applications with my obligations at work which made me feel like I was not doing enough on either front, thus leading to impromptu tears 😭, constant migraine and an extra bout of anxiety. Trying to do God's work will only stress you more. 

All these while, I imagine God staring at me like 'Girl what are you doing to yourself, let go and let me' but as per a coconut headed somebody that I am, I kept stretching myself too thin. One day while taking a walk to clear my already muddled mind, I broke down and started praying (well more like talking and complaining) to God, and at that moment, I realized how powerless I truly was and truly let go (very hesitantly). Once I did, I began to delight more in the moments, living each day at a time and worrying less about what I really had no control over.

I have no idea what 2021 will bring, it might be the light at the end of 2020's tunnel or it might be a deeper rabbit hole than 2020 but regardless of what 2021 will be, I choose to let God lead the way (He is more than capable to do that) and all I plan to do is to walk in my faith not out of it. 

Happy New Year all 

When It Rains, It Pours

 

Heyyyy, how you doing 'Wendy William's Voice'. Welcome back to our habitual readers and welcome to our new and hopefully habitual readers in training 🍷.

I usher you into PART II of "Serifat's COVID-19 Adventures"

It has been so long and we have been through so much since last we spoke. We have all pushed through and are still trying to push through a pandemic, some of us have had to deal with political tensions back home (Nigeria, Guinea, Namibia, South Africa, Congo), some have lost family, some have lost friends. Through this experience, I have come to understand how fragile life can be and that at the end it all boils down to how many lives we have touched.

At the beginning of this year, I spoke about my passion and dream of becoming a doctor and the hurdles that I have faced especially the MCAT (inserts flashback and panic attack), well I am here to tell you that "Won't God do it!!). On the 24th of November, I received an email that said

"Dear Serifat,

Congratulations, you have been accepted "

It took a few seconds for me to realize what this meant but the moment I did, I bust into praise because all it took to get here was an extra gap year, 3 MCAT exams and 26 resounding NO'S!! I dare say it took blood 💔and tears💧from me but right when I felt the most helpless, God positioned me for great mentorship, great friendship, and just a wonderful church support.

When I started this journey, I felt that "I can do bad all by myself 😎" completely forgetting that I did not get to where I was alone. It took several bouts of failure for me to realize that I needed help but one thing to note is this; the moment I decided to seek out help and the proper resources, several doors began to open. This is to say that sometimes all it takes for us to move from mediocre to excellence is that one step; Taking that one job, starting that one business, making that one investment, taking that one class, making that one phone call or even as simple as saying that one prayer.

So just like the title of today's talk says "When it rains, it pours", I still have a few interviews lined up and God willing more to come before I get to make a final decision on where I will be spending the rest of my Twenty's.

I leave you with this bible verse that helped me through my anxiety throughout the month of November (Shout out to PWAL) 😀

" being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." -Philippians1:6

This story is a testament that you can do anything but most importantly it is a testimony to the power of God. I was asked last week "How were you able to keep going", well I can with the utmost confidence tell you that I DO NOT KNOW. The one thing I do know is that I held on to this dream even when I could not see a way, I held on. 

On a lighter note, I am curious to learn from you about how you have been coping with COVID-19, I definitely added those COVID pounds and I have become more anal about hygiene. Feel free to share in the comments, I just might pick up a new hobby or lifestyle trend from you.

Till next week (Yes, I won't miss our date 😉)

Swipe Right to Date

 

LEON NEAL/GETTY IMAGES

 

The beauty of technology is that everything is at your fingertips, from food to games to maps and even love ❤️ or so they say. Well, one of the things I wanted to be intentional about in the year 2020 was my dating life (Let's not pretend, I did not have one) but then just when I thought to be more serious, COVID happened. At least no one can say I did not try 😼or did I? Well after so many targeted ads on TV throughout summer about all the different dating apps out there, I decided to step out of my comfort zone and give it the old college try. 

Step 1: I downloaded two different dating apps 

Step 2: I forgot all about the app until one late weekend after a romantic movie

Step 3: Worked on my profile and indicated all the things that were important to me [Faith ✙, honesty, communication, all the good stuff]

Step 4: Wait for love to fall into my lap 💏

As I started this journey into the old yet new technology, I realized that love will not just fall into my lap, I had to be an active participant in the process. In my case that included swiping right or left. 

The online dating platform gave me a lot of choices, one that I appreciated but sometimes felt overwhelming. After so many left swipes I realized that online dating might not be my cup of tea [Either that or I was not doing it right]. 

Online dating helped me understand the things that I cherished more at this stage in my journey [Communication and Consistency] and the things I needed to work on [ Communication] to ensure my partner does not feel shortchanged. I take a jab at my social communication skills because most of my established connections like 'Greg who loves his dog' fell off due to my inability to keep up with communication especially via calls 

All in all, this was a wonderful trial but not one I think is lucrative for me, does this mean you should not give it a try? NO!!

Different strokes for different folks, I have heard of a sizable amount of people who found love on dating apps but we must also realize that a dating app is not a magic wand [Which seems to be what I treated it as]. 

Instead, it is a platform for you to rapidly meet a lot of people and the onus falls on you to put in the work which includes shooting your shot, starting and maintaining communication, and DO NOT string someone along if you know that is not a connection you desire to nurture. 

Instead of going into detail about my experience with online dating, I will instead list my take-aways so far:

• No one is perfect and although we all have our wants they do not necessarily translate to our needs. 
• Yes, actions speak louder than words but when meeting someone for the first time, your words hold more weight. 
• Do not be scared to let your intentions known, this single act ensures that no one wastes their time or gets hurt. If all you want is a "Netflix and Chill mate", do not pretend that you want more just because he/she says they do 
• Do not ghost, be an adult and communicate about why they are not a good fit 
• Even if they just look like images on a screen, they are human so treat them no less than 

A Healthy Relationship with You

Hi Fam and welcome to the family new readers.

I am 100% sure that we have all heard the phrase " Love Yourself" at least once since we started this journey called LIFE (As a scientist I will work with 92% 😉) and for some of us we mentally or outrightly said, " I do love myself so this does not apply". I was also that person 🙄 and it was not until I evaluated what love truly meant that I realized there were things I needed to work on. 

So, what does love truly mean? Well according to the Bible (Yes that's always a reference point 😎)

4 Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud 5 or rude. It does not demand its own way. It is not irritable, and it keeps no record of being wronged. 6 It does not rejoice about injustice but rejoices whenever the truth wins out. 7 Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. I Corinthians 13:4-7

I had read the verse many times and each time I was always projecting it on how people should love me, not for once did I think that this was also how I should love me. It was not until I heard someone say "Our relationships are a reflection of our relationship with ourselves" WOW!!. That was the first time that the table had been turned for me and also when I realized that I was not loving myself. I was always impatient with myself although I willingly extended patience to others, I kept a record of all my wrongs and never pulled a punch when it came to guilt-tripping myself, you get where I am going right?

Let me tell you this, one of the most important and resourceful relationships you can ever have is the relationship with self. This relationship lays the groundwork for every other relationship in your life, it sets the pace of how you will allow yourself to be treated by others. For example, I was impatient with myself therefore I was never upset when others were impatient with me.

A healthy relationship with yourself goes beyond taking physical care of yourself [spa dates, movie dates, or travel experience], it is truly looking within and becoming aware of ways you can improve your self-relationship and most importantly learning to accept all of you.

Take a moment and evaluate all the points I have made and truthfully answer this question "Do I Love Myself?" 

Till we meet again, do keep this quote in mind from one of my favorite Duchess (can I still call her that 🤔 )

"We just need to be kinder to ourselves. 

If we treated ourselves the way we treated our best friend,

can you imagine how much better off we would be?..." 

-Meghan Markle 

Healing

Deep breath

I took so many of those before I was able to gather the courage to actually listen and put myself out here like this. If I was to use just one word to describe 2019, I would tag it ‘Healing’ but that process did not truly begin till the end of the year.

What is she rambling about again?

This past week, I saw a post talking about how a lot of people jump from one relationship to another without taking the time to heal thus leaving a trail of hurt people. Well, I was one of those people.

You know how you get into a relationship and you can already imagine yourself spending forever with that person (house, kids, family trips all included) that was me. I was with this great person and I was so ready to get hitched until my whole world came crashing down when it ended in the craziest way imaginable.

I remember not being able to sleep for a whole week, taking on as many projects as I could, crying in the shower every time a memory popped up. People, it was bad and I could not recognize myself anymore. I became a shell of myself although to everyone else I was healing, I really was just trying to forget the pain. 

A few months passed and I met someone else, but this time around I was on my guard. He tried to give all but no matter how hard I tried a tiny bit of me was always holding back and although that relationship was not meant to be, my epiphany occurred when it ended.

After I got out of that relationship, rather than feeling hurt that this new relationship ended I found myself still pinning over my old relationship and feeling hurt and it was at that point I realized how hurt and broken I was; Nope my healing journey did not begin there. 

Instead I worked so hard to seem normal, partied hard, worked harder and prayed less because each time I did God reminded me of the healing I so desperately needed. 

This went on for a longtime until God pulled me into a situation that required me to pray and damn did he do a 360 degree turn around with me. 

The first thing that I had to deal with was disappointment. Hell yeah, I was disappointed in the guy but mostly with myself as I just could not fathom how I got into such a situation. This disappointment became a baggage that I ended up carrying to the next relationship causing me to be overly cautious and never letting myself just be in the moment. The way I viewed myself had changed and I was not helping matters by pushing it all down. 

After going through so many emotions, I began to recover from the pain but this required that I let go CHAI  that was another road block because how could I, a control freak, let go. 

" For I know the plans and thought that I have for you, says the Lord, plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope" - Jeremiah 29:11

That was the slam dunk, here I was worrying about how things could go wrong if I let go forgetting that letting it all go and letting God was the best checkmate move I could make. 

The most important thing that definitely helped me was completely focusing on my healing rather than moving from one relationship to another hoping that I will somehow be made complete by my partner. 

I leave you with these words that I repeat so many times " If you do not heal from the wounds of your past, you will end up bleeding on people who never hurt you". So, reader maybe this is your sign to stop putting off your healing and to actually begin the process as this is the month of love, love yourself enough to embrace peace of mind. 

Here Lies My Passion

So, my passion has always been traveling. Right from little, I imagined myself visiting new places for the sights and people. One event comes to mind, at the age of six, I found out my favorite teacher Miss Afolabi was going to her state [Ekiti] for a burial and guess who convinced her mum with tears to let her tag along, well MOI and I think my experience then was what let the travel bug bite me.
The sad thing is that as much as I love to travel, I have not been able to fully spread my wings and touch every continent due to various constraints such as lack of time, lack of finances, you know all that good stuff adulthood brings your way. Yet, each year I still include traveling on my to-do list.
Why? 
Because although it might not have happened yet, I strongly believe it will happen so I might as well prepare for it even if it looks like it is unrealistic NOW. 
Why am I talking about my passion for travel? Well we all have passions and just like my passion for traveling sometimes it feels invalid, so I am here to remind you that:
Your passion is valid, Let me repeat that
YOUR PASSION IS VALID
Well, traveling is not my only passion so let's try a more relatable example, shall we? Kindly take note that this is a battle, I am still working through so I don't have all the solutions but I will share what steps I have been taking. 
Anyone in my family or my circle of friends will tell you that my greatest passion in life is being a doctor not because I want the extra title but because I have seen a lot of people disappointed in the health care system and I want to be among those who will restore their faith in the system.
Despite my pinning for this goal, one thing has stood in my way twice now and it is an exam called the MCAT (CRY). Twice, I have tried, and twice I have not been my best because I refuse to use the word failed. Each time after seeing my result, I have broken down in uncontrollable tears, gone days thinking I am not enough and on other days I was ready to throw in the towel
Funny enough till this moment that I am typing, I still have not thrown in the towel in fact, I have gone harder.
So do I know how it feels to have a passion? Yes. Do I know how it feels to be shot down time and time again? Yes. Most importantly I know about that fire in your belly that refuses to burn out.
Life might make it look impossible but that should not stop you from dreaming, it should not stop you from talking about it, it should not stop you from planning towards it, and it definitely should not stop it from being your passion.
Like the good book says in Habakkuk 2:3 “For the vision is yet for an appointed time; But at the end, it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; because it will surely come, it will not tarry. “
This verse has carried me through the bumpy roads that lead to medical school
I hope that I have been able to rekindle that fire in your belly and that I have provided you with that little push you needed. 

Drowning or Drifting

pinterest

Hi guys,
Welcome to another glorious week with your lady [MOI]. 😂 I just wanted to try out a corny intro.
You have a gorgeous smile, you are so understanding, you have it all together; well these are all comments I have heard at one point or another and I am here to admit to all those whoever said this; My life is as imperfect as imperfect goes but I get why you feel otherwise.
Growing up I always had this image of a strong woman in my head, she always had her head held on high, no one saw her breakdown, she was always with a smile on her face and most importantly she was always willing to help others carry their burden even when hers was crushing. This image as toxic as it looks worked for me, I became the one person who no matter how bad you hurt me I understood, I rarely broke down, I smiled through it all with the hopes that my smile will somehow deceive my pain and troubles to go away oh I was so wrong.
I found myself sometimes just staring into space completely numb and I constantly felt overwhelmed but never could point out why there were days when all I could do was cry and I just never wanted to get out of bed. At first, I thought these were signs of depression but now I know that I was simply unhappy.
 Well, about two years ago my strong woman persona failed me 🙆😨. I was going through so much and felt completely defeated but rather than let others see vulnerable me or even allow myself feel my pain, I poured myself into work hoping it will chase my blues away [This will make for a good song ] but every time I got back to bed all I could feel was emptiness.
A good number of friends called, and the conversation always went this way
Friend: How are you, I haven’t heard from you?
Me: I am good, just busy
Friend: Do you need to talk?
Me: Nah, I am doing great [Then completely change the topic]
Sorry friends, I know you are reading this
Somedays I caught myself slipping and could feel my humanity trying to break through but it was only for a moment. I was drowning, yet I kept deceiving myself that I was only drifting and that I would sooner or later get to shore.
I still struggle with my idea of what a strong woman is, and I still have so much healing to do but that healing did not start until I truly made myself vulnerable. On that day my humanity finally won the battle as I ended up in a bathroom stall seating on the floor [ God bless the custodians for keeping it clean] and crying my eyes out to a friend.
So, to my fellow strong women and men, I am here to tell you that being strong does not mean you are made of stone instead, being strong is the truest vulnerability there is.
I leave you with this quote “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage. Truth and courage aren’t always comfortable, but they’re never weakness” – Brené Brown