Swipe Right to Date

 

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The beauty of technology is that everything is at your fingertips, from food to games to maps and even love ❤️ or so they say. Well, one of the things I wanted to be intentional about in the year 2020 was my dating life (Let's not pretend, I did not have one) but then just when I thought to be more serious, COVID happened. At least no one can say I did not try 😼or did I? Well after so many targeted ads on TV throughout summer about all the different dating apps out there, I decided to step out of my comfort zone and give it the old college try. 

Step 1: I downloaded two different dating apps 

Step 2: I forgot all about the app until one late weekend after a romantic movie

Step 3: Worked on my profile and indicated all the things that were important to me [Faith ✙, honesty, communication, all the good stuff]

Step 4: Wait for love to fall into my lap 💏

As I started this journey into the old yet new technology, I realized that love will not just fall into my lap, I had to be an active participant in the process. In my case that included swiping right or left. 

The online dating platform gave me a lot of choices, one that I appreciated but sometimes felt overwhelming. After so many left swipes I realized that online dating might not be my cup of tea [Either that or I was not doing it right]. 

Online dating helped me understand the things that I cherished more at this stage in my journey [Communication and Consistency] and the things I needed to work on [ Communication] to ensure my partner does not feel shortchanged. I take a jab at my social communication skills because most of my established connections like 'Greg who loves his dog' fell off due to my inability to keep up with communication especially via calls 

All in all, this was a wonderful trial but not one I think is lucrative for me, does this mean you should not give it a try? NO!!

Different strokes for different folks, I have heard of a sizable amount of people who found love on dating apps but we must also realize that a dating app is not a magic wand [Which seems to be what I treated it as]. 

Instead, it is a platform for you to rapidly meet a lot of people and the onus falls on you to put in the work which includes shooting your shot, starting and maintaining communication, and DO NOT string someone along if you know that is not a connection you desire to nurture. 

Instead of going into detail about my experience with online dating, I will instead list my take-aways so far:

• No one is perfect and although we all have our wants they do not necessarily translate to our needs. 
• Yes, actions speak louder than words but when meeting someone for the first time, your words hold more weight. 
• Do not be scared to let your intentions known, this single act ensures that no one wastes their time or gets hurt. If all you want is a "Netflix and Chill mate", do not pretend that you want more just because he/she says they do 
• Do not ghost, be an adult and communicate about why they are not a good fit 
• Even if they just look like images on a screen, they are human so treat them no less than 

Healing

Deep breath

I took so many of those before I was able to gather the courage to actually listen and put myself out here like this. If I was to use just one word to describe 2019, I would tag it ‘Healing’ but that process did not truly begin till the end of the year.

What is she rambling about again?

This past week, I saw a post talking about how a lot of people jump from one relationship to another without taking the time to heal thus leaving a trail of hurt people. Well, I was one of those people.

You know how you get into a relationship and you can already imagine yourself spending forever with that person (house, kids, family trips all included) that was me. I was with this great person and I was so ready to get hitched until my whole world came crashing down when it ended in the craziest way imaginable.

I remember not being able to sleep for a whole week, taking on as many projects as I could, crying in the shower every time a memory popped up. People, it was bad and I could not recognize myself anymore. I became a shell of myself although to everyone else I was healing, I really was just trying to forget the pain. 

A few months passed and I met someone else, but this time around I was on my guard. He tried to give all but no matter how hard I tried a tiny bit of me was always holding back and although that relationship was not meant to be, my epiphany occurred when it ended.

After I got out of that relationship, rather than feeling hurt that this new relationship ended I found myself still pinning over my old relationship and feeling hurt and it was at that point I realized how hurt and broken I was; Nope my healing journey did not begin there. 

Instead I worked so hard to seem normal, partied hard, worked harder and prayed less because each time I did God reminded me of the healing I so desperately needed. 

This went on for a longtime until God pulled me into a situation that required me to pray and damn did he do a 360 degree turn around with me. 

The first thing that I had to deal with was disappointment. Hell yeah, I was disappointed in the guy but mostly with myself as I just could not fathom how I got into such a situation. This disappointment became a baggage that I ended up carrying to the next relationship causing me to be overly cautious and never letting myself just be in the moment. The way I viewed myself had changed and I was not helping matters by pushing it all down. 

After going through so many emotions, I began to recover from the pain but this required that I let go CHAI  that was another road block because how could I, a control freak, let go. 

" For I know the plans and thought that I have for you, says the Lord, plans for peace and well-being and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope" - Jeremiah 29:11

That was the slam dunk, here I was worrying about how things could go wrong if I let go forgetting that letting it all go and letting God was the best checkmate move I could make. 

The most important thing that definitely helped me was completely focusing on my healing rather than moving from one relationship to another hoping that I will somehow be made complete by my partner. 

I leave you with these words that I repeat so many times " If you do not heal from the wounds of your past, you will end up bleeding on people who never hurt you". So, reader maybe this is your sign to stop putting off your healing and to actually begin the process as this is the month of love, love yourself enough to embrace peace of mind. 

Everyone but Me!!!

 Hi guys, welcome to another week. I am so excited to share this as I believe it is the reality of most if not all of us, although we try to deny it or even ignore it till it goes away. 

So, this past year, a lot of my personal friends got engaged, married and some found a forever boo YIPEE!!! Yet as happy as I was for them, they were times when I thought when will mine happen? I had even gotten to a point where I had convinced myself that I did not desire companionship in any way, shape or form. I began to use the failures of my past relationship as a valid reason why I should give up all fantasy about love but despite all the tactics I used I still desired to be a part of that lovely companionship I saw my friends buy into. 

Once I discovered that this desire was not going anywhere, I decided to prepare. 

What do I know I am preparing for? how do you prepare? Well, these questions also crossed my mind but then I remembered that If you fail to plan then you plan to fail. 

I decided to get myself in position by preparing and what better way to prepare than, to begin with, prayers. I spoke to God about my desire and let him know what I wanted 

Like 6 ft tall, black chocolate, pink lips, sense of humor 😂😂 just joking (although I would not mind). I spoke to God about the things I desired in a partner that aligned with my values (spiritual, personal and emotional) and after this, I had to have a candid conversation with myself. I asked myself “if this man showed up at my doorstep right now, will I be ready?” Brethren the answer was a resounding NO, and this helped me identify areas in my life that I needed to work on to ensure that I do not end up shortchanging future bae. 

How does this apply to me, I don’t care for marriage, I am already married, I am engaged? You might ask. Well, this drawn-out scenario does not only apply to one’s desire for a relationship, but it also applies to our desires in general. 

Ask yourself honestly, if those things you are desperately looking forward to appears at your doorstep now will you be ready? If your answer is NO like mine was, probe further and discover why. Is it a character flaw that needs to be checked, Is it a manner of approach that needs to be redesigned, is it courses you need to take to make you more competitive, is it your companions you need to change, whatever it might be, Identification is the first step. 

Once you can identify it, you can begin working on it thus preparing yourself better for that blessing. Most importantly, as you prepare for whatever you desire do not make the mistake of taking out the GOD factor, the bible says “I planted the seed in your hearts, Apollos watered it, but it was God who made it grow” 1 Corinthians 3:6 (NLT)

So, you can prepare as much as you can but the only way to get the best not just an ordinary blessing is by placing it in the hands of God. 

Till we see again