What Love Means To Me

Growing up we are all exposed to different definitions of love. Some of these definitions come from the media, and others from those around us therefore we all end up with different conclusions, most end up looking for a fantasy, some get exposed to what love is not and others find exactly the love that is true. The main idea is that all our hearts long for love.
For me, the definition of love is not just one sentence like dictionary.com defines

" a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person" 

because it goes beyond feelings instead it encompasses a lot of characteristics.
These characteristics are not made up to fit my fantasy man (6'ft tall, dark chocolate, great body, greater mind, and romantic 😍)  because trust me love goes beyond all of that. My definition of love comes from my faith and my understanding of the love God has for me because this is a definition that never changes with the tide of time because God's fashion is forever in vogue😄.
Without further ado, the characteristics I have learnt should define love are:

• Acceptance: Acceptance is recognizing the other person completely for who they are without always steadily trying to fix them 
• Selflessness: Love is always concerned and thoughtful about the welfare of others. It thinks less of "Me" and thinks more of others. 
• Patience: Love is patient through the good and bad times, slow to anger and does not make hasty decisions.
• Kindness: It emits compassion, expresses empathy and cares for the conditions of others 
• Generosity : Because love does not envy it is generous, and content with it's current possessions 
• Humility: It is humble, not raising itself above others or announcing it's deeds for people to praise 
• Protection: The way I see it when you love someone you protect them from spite regardless of what they have done to you or who the spite is coming from 
• Honest: Love is truthful, clear with it's intentions thus not making others live in darkness
• Perseverance: This means love does not easily give up
• Sacrifice: Love does extraordinary things and leaves its comfort zone of what it is used to so as to serve others
• Peace: Love banishes fear, anxieties and insecurities therefore it invites peace  1 John 4:18
• Trust: This is the very foundation of love because trust means that I can rely and depend on you thus I don't have to second guess and live in doubt waiting for the bomb to drop

When love expresses all these, it cannot be abused if both parties are dedicated to the wellbeing of the other but most of us miss out on this great love because we hold on to unbelief, hurt, betrayal, mistrust, fear, unworthiness, and failure thus only giving too little of ourselves and making love feel. like a chore.
I believe that to love, to truly love we must first love ourselves only then can we pour out love to others and commit to them (Matthew 22:39). 

So love is not just a feeling because our feelings change, instead it is our actions, our dedication to keep showing our love by our continuous commitment to the one we love just like God is always showing his commitment to us each day. 

Finally, love is not perfect but it is definitely worth it when you do it right. So to all my avid readers, happy Valentine's Day and I hope you remember to love everyday and not just today.

Here's a song for you:

Is 24 Hours Enough?

Many times I have quoted the fact that there is not enough time in 24 hours to do what I need to do and this is why I get almost nothing done and I always have to rush at the last minute. Don't get me wrong the last minute stuff works, sometimes even too well but then at what cost? If you are like me by the time you are done with the last minute rush, you are so exhausted mentally and physically that you don't have the strength to work on anything else thus another last minute rush is foretold in the near future.

Question is for how long do you think you could keep up?

So at the beginning of this year, I decided that I will be more intentional with my morning devotion as most times I either rush through it or just never get around to it. Well all through January, I was able to probably do it twice or thereabout as most times I was up and out of bed, time required me to rush to work. So I attempted a new strategy, set my alarm to an earlier time; well that also fell flat as I was always so tired when my alarm rang and just ended up going back to bed and then repeating the cycle of rushing to work.
This month I decided to investigate why I just couldn't get myself to commit to my devotion. I had done all i could as I imagined. I had set an earlier alarm, I had stopped sleeping with my phone beside me but it seemed like nothing was good enough until I finally got what was wrong - my PRIORITY
A lot of times we have so much planned for a day but end up doing nothing because we didn't make a realistic plan. A realistic plan involves making a list according to priorities not according to wants, desires or what's easier.
Take some time off today and monitor how much you spend surfing the web, watching TV, talking and even just laying down. Once that is done think of this: Are there other important things that require some of this time I spent on leisure? 
Note: I am not saying stop having fun or relaxing as that will just make you miserable. But cutting down on them will certainly make you more reproductive.
So back to my devotion analogy, I realized that to ensure I had my morning devotion I needed to make it a priority thus making me decide to go to bed an hour earlier so I am more refreshed and alert when I wake up thus, giving me enough time to spend with God and plan my day.

I hope this helps you to think of your priorities also so that you actively work on your time management 

Imposter Syndrome

Impostor Syndrome is a pervasive feeling of self-doubt, insecurity, or fraudulence despite often overwhelming evidence to the contrary (Ellen Hendriksen, 2015)
How many people experience imposter syndrome, well more than you can imagine. It is a feeling I have come to realize tends to increase the more successful you become especially if you are increasing in the ranks in an environment where you are considered different e.g. a young black woman in a field that caters to men predominantly. 
Over the past few years, I can say that with every achievement I have experienced there has always been the question at the back of my mind whispering " Am I good enough" or "was it just luck" and this question always seemed to answer itself whenever I had what I considered a failure. I have struggled with this feeling more in the past few months, being surrounded by so many brilliant people that most times I just feel like the dumbest person in the room and I constantly doubt if I can survive in this field despite continuous praise and reassurance from those around me. This feeling of inadequacy made me feel like a fraud 🙇. 

"The feeling of just not being enough "

This has led me to study more about the imposter syndrome and I have come to realize that so many people face this as it does not discriminate although minorities and women are the hardest-hit ( 😳 well, I am both).
I'll give a quick example of this. About a month ago I was scheduled to present at a lab meeting and I was so hyped at first but as the day came closer I went into panic mode thinking to myself that I was about to completely disgrace my whole generations past and future 🙆, I thought of calling out that I was sick but then my goody two shoes self decided against that and I spent the next week preparing like I was going to war. On the day of the presentation, I realized it was too late to be sick and had no choice but to forge ahead. I went into the conference room, gave my presentation and decided that I had just disgraced my whole generation until each person in the room began to validate my presentation. Funny thing is that even with all the positive reviews I still felt like they were all just patronizing me.
Well if you felt this post was to provide you with a cure, sorry to disappoint as I am still actively searching for one. Instead this post is to let you know that you are definitely not alone in this and I believe we need to start taking it easy on ourselves as in reality no one really has it all together. 
Leave a comment of the last time you felt this way, or how you have been able to overcome this feeling. I look forward to hearing back.

Song of the Month 😀:  So will I (Hillsong Worship)
https://youtu.be/GfVd5x9W1Xc

My Past = My Future?

Coming into the new year a lot of us are always actively thinking of a way to reinvent ourselves but more times than can be recounted a lot of us also give up along the way because it just seems like our past will continue to define who we can be.

While actively thinking of this on a short walk the following question came to mind:

Is my future set in stone based on my past/ genealogy?

Well like most of us I certainly hope not.

One of the answers that popped up in my head is from a crime series I love love “Criminal minds” 😍😍.

In the show we are presented two individuals named Hotchner and Foyet. Both men were abused by their fathers at a younger age and both held some resentment towards their fathers because of this, yet they both turned out completely different. 

Hotchner grew up to become an attorney who was always working for the good guys but as years progressed he decided to do more by joining the Behavioral Analysis Unit according to him the reasoning behind this was for him to get the bad guys before they were able to do so much harm. Hotchner turned out to be a great father, always dotting on his son and even putting his life and eventually his job on the line for his son’s safety. 

The next case study is Foyet, he had the same trauma in his childhood like Hotchner and grew up using this trauma as a crutch for why he became a serial killer stating that his rationale for killing women was because his mother was too weak to protect him from the abuse of his father.

Hotchner was proof that the past does not write the future unless we let it.

Reeling it in a bit let’s look at Jesus himself, if we study his genealogy as shown in Matthew 1: 1- 17, we see a very diverse array of ancestors with different backstories. We have Rahab (the prostitute), Ruth ( the non-Jewish Moabite), and David(The adulterer) Whew!😳😱😱 If genealogy was a predictor of the future well Jesus did not stand a chance but yet He not only stood a chance but He did great and wonderful exploits, the greatest being that He showed us just how much God loved us. 

So to you who might already be thinking what is the point, no one in my family has ever made it or my past is just too nasty for me to turn a new leaf, well this is a call for you to throw those beliefs down the drain and begin working to be better.

Image from: educating4life.wordpress.com

Just because our past does not determine our future does not mean we won’t still have to face the consequences of our action though. For example, if Mr A murders Mr B and is sentenced to death, turning a new leaf is no guarantee that Mr A would be taken off death row but it is a guarantee that Mr A would live a better life that might even reach out to a lost person he meets in prison. 

Yes, consequences can be difficult to deal with but still do not let that keep you from becoming a better version of you 

Verse of the day: Psalm 143:8 

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,

    for I have put my trust in you.

Show me the way I should go,

    for to you I entrust my life.”

Seasons's greetings

Happy Happy New Year to my wonderful, avid readers. Wishing you all that is beautiful, productive, enlightening, restoring and joyful in this new year.

Do ensure to stick with us in 2019 and God willing there'll always be something uplifting waiting for you.

Love,

Serifat Adebola

REFLECTIONS

Photo by @sericoco_s.blog

December 🎄has always been a time of reflection for me, a moment to take in the past eleven months and evaluate all my actions and inactions, my highs and my lows and most importantly a moment to lay out what I could do better. This is not always an easy thing to do because sometimes, the lady that stares back at me has not been the best she could have been and facing that truth is what determines if I will grow or not.
Reflecting on the past eleven months of 2018, ushers in a whole lot of emotions. The past months have been teaching moments, I have learnt a few things about myself as an individual. Some, I am extremely proud of but others make me hang my head in shame. Yet, there was one key factor that pulled me through and it was the reminder that my circumstances do not define me.
I will like to dedicate this post to the better me I know I can be, and also to the better you that I know you can be. Do not be ashamed to stare back at yourself, do not let those mistakes no matter how grievous limit you, and never let go of faith that is the one key factor that I know has helped me over the past twenty - something years of my life 😉😉.
Reflecting also brings to my notice the things I am yet to achieve, just like me, a lot of us we stepped into the year 2018 with a list of desires even if some of us especially me never made a new year resolution 😶 and looking back now we find that we were unable to tick off all on our 2018 want list. I encourage you to not be devastated because if you truly look back in an in-depth manner you will discover there were also a lot of things you did not plan for but they made your year 2018 great. All in all people like a great saying says "Never let the success get to your head, and never let the failures get to your heart"
Another beautiful thing about December is that it is a time for me to not only reflect but a time to be grateful like the Good Book says " Be thankful in all circumstances, for this is God's will for you who belong to Christ Jesus" - 1 Thessalonians 5:18

It Costs Nothing To Be Nice

So I woke up this morning and literally struggled out of bed, I was not feeling like myself but knew I had to be at work to begin a few projects. I struggled to do all the necessities before stepping out. Once I was ready I called an uber and when the Uber driver arrived I stepped out. The first thing I noticed when I got in was that he smiled when I said my name [ I always do this to ensure i am in the right vehicle], a few seconds later handed me a notebook where he wrote:

"Good Morning Hope you had a lovely night?
Merry Christmas and a Happy New year in Advance"

This encounter might not be the most unique thing but the one  thing that stood out to me was his gesture, one he has probably repeated so many times but never saw as him doing something unique but I realized that he went an extra mile to make me his rider feel comfortable, this was not something he had to do but something he chose to do. Just him going that extra mile made me shake the blues away. I for one know that when I'm stressed I tend to take it out on everyone by retreating into silence but then as this year is running to an end I want to be a thermostat not a thermometer. 😂😂 I probably lost you there for a bit, do not worry I will explain. I read a book a few months back (cannot remember the title 😕) and it described both instruments. It referred to a thermometer as an equipment that tells you the temperature in the room so as a thermometer my circumstances determines my reactions and mood but then a thermostat adjusts the temperature of the room which means that my circumstances do not determine my reaction or my mood. So there you have it, my early morning thought. I implore us all to strive to be a thermostat not a thermometer and be nice to all even those who hurt you.After reading what was passed to me, it immediately dawned on me that he was deaf and could not speak. At that moment I let his smile wash over me and I smiled back. A lot of us, myself included are never that nice we tend to use our current situation or emotion as a predictor of how we should act to others including those who have nothing to do with what happened to us.

Bible Verse for the day: "But let the righteous be glad; let them exult before God; Yes, let them rejoice with gladness" - Psalm 68:3