Imposter Syndrome

Impostor Syndrome is a pervasive feeling of self-doubt, insecurity, or fraudulence despite often overwhelming evidence to the contrary (Ellen Hendriksen, 2015)
How many people experience imposter syndrome, well more than you can imagine. It is a feeling I have come to realize tends to increase the more successful you become especially if you are increasing in the ranks in an environment where you are considered different e.g. a young black woman in a field that caters to men predominantly. 
Over the past few years, I can say that with every achievement I have experienced there has always been the question at the back of my mind whispering " Am I good enough" or "was it just luck" and this question always seemed to answer itself whenever I had what I considered a failure. I have struggled with this feeling more in the past few months, being surrounded by so many brilliant people that most times I just feel like the dumbest person in the room and I constantly doubt if I can survive in this field despite continuous praise and reassurance from those around me. This feeling of inadequacy made me feel like a fraud 🙇. 

"The feeling of just not being enough "

This has led me to study more about the imposter syndrome and I have come to realize that so many people face this as it does not discriminate although minorities and women are the hardest-hit ( 😳 well, I am both).
I'll give a quick example of this. About a month ago I was scheduled to present at a lab meeting and I was so hyped at first but as the day came closer I went into panic mode thinking to myself that I was about to completely disgrace my whole generations past and future 🙆, I thought of calling out that I was sick but then my goody two shoes self decided against that and I spent the next week preparing like I was going to war. On the day of the presentation, I realized it was too late to be sick and had no choice but to forge ahead. I went into the conference room, gave my presentation and decided that I had just disgraced my whole generation until each person in the room began to validate my presentation. Funny thing is that even with all the positive reviews I still felt like they were all just patronizing me.
Well if you felt this post was to provide you with a cure, sorry to disappoint as I am still actively searching for one. Instead this post is to let you know that you are definitely not alone in this and I believe we need to start taking it easy on ourselves as in reality no one really has it all together. 
Leave a comment of the last time you felt this way, or how you have been able to overcome this feeling. I look forward to hearing back.

Song of the Month 😀:  So will I (Hillsong Worship)
https://youtu.be/GfVd5x9W1Xc

My Past = My Future?

Coming into the new year a lot of us are always actively thinking of a way to reinvent ourselves but more times than can be recounted a lot of us also give up along the way because it just seems like our past will continue to define who we can be.

While actively thinking of this on a short walk the following question came to mind:

Is my future set in stone based on my past/ genealogy?

Well like most of us I certainly hope not.

One of the answers that popped up in my head is from a crime series I love love “Criminal minds” 😍😍.

In the show we are presented two individuals named Hotchner and Foyet. Both men were abused by their fathers at a younger age and both held some resentment towards their fathers because of this, yet they both turned out completely different. 

Hotchner grew up to become an attorney who was always working for the good guys but as years progressed he decided to do more by joining the Behavioral Analysis Unit according to him the reasoning behind this was for him to get the bad guys before they were able to do so much harm. Hotchner turned out to be a great father, always dotting on his son and even putting his life and eventually his job on the line for his son’s safety. 

The next case study is Foyet, he had the same trauma in his childhood like Hotchner and grew up using this trauma as a crutch for why he became a serial killer stating that his rationale for killing women was because his mother was too weak to protect him from the abuse of his father.

Hotchner was proof that the past does not write the future unless we let it.

Reeling it in a bit let’s look at Jesus himself, if we study his genealogy as shown in Matthew 1: 1- 17, we see a very diverse array of ancestors with different backstories. We have Rahab (the prostitute), Ruth ( the non-Jewish Moabite), and David(The adulterer) Whew!😳😱😱 If genealogy was a predictor of the future well Jesus did not stand a chance but yet He not only stood a chance but He did great and wonderful exploits, the greatest being that He showed us just how much God loved us. 

So to you who might already be thinking what is the point, no one in my family has ever made it or my past is just too nasty for me to turn a new leaf, well this is a call for you to throw those beliefs down the drain and begin working to be better.

Image from: educating4life.wordpress.com

Just because our past does not determine our future does not mean we won’t still have to face the consequences of our action though. For example, if Mr A murders Mr B and is sentenced to death, turning a new leaf is no guarantee that Mr A would be taken off death row but it is a guarantee that Mr A would live a better life that might even reach out to a lost person he meets in prison. 

Yes, consequences can be difficult to deal with but still do not let that keep you from becoming a better version of you 

Verse of the day: Psalm 143:8 

“Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love,

    for I have put my trust in you.

Show me the way I should go,

    for to you I entrust my life.”

Seasons's greetings

Happy Happy New Year to my wonderful, avid readers. Wishing you all that is beautiful, productive, enlightening, restoring and joyful in this new year.

Do ensure to stick with us in 2019 and God willing there'll always be something uplifting waiting for you.

Love,

Serifat Adebola